You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my sisters under your porch take her home
only you would photoshop your dick
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
