I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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