The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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