Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
