is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
