I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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