I cockslap morals
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
