I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
