break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
