my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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