I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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