I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize