Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
