Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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