Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
