I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize