he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize