All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
