Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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