Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
