Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
high people should be assigned attendants
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
