Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
