i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
