I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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