i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize