hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
