well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
