You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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