just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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