I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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