I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
