Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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