And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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