You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
