fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
