Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
