Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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