Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
