why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
