Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
