u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
