I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize