I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
