u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish you could order shots online.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
