so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
