I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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