My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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