Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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