Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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