I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize