And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
