I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
