I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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