I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
