I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
