High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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