I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
