a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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