Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
