why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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