Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So squirting runs in the family.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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