two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
