Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
