fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
