I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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