Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
