I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
