Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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