i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
